THE Sex & Pleasure Book by Pleasure Book Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone

Author:Pleasure Book Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Good Vibrations Barnaby LTD, LLC
Published: 2015-03-17T16:00:00+00:00

Hot Talk

Making sounds during lovemaking and masturbation can crank up your arousal level as well as enhance orgasm and the feelings of afterglow. If you are alone masturbating, then you don’t need to worry about negotiating or explaining yourself to anyone. You can try moaning aloud, saying “naughty” phrases to yourself, or using words to live out a fantasy that you are thinking about while you touch yourself.

Seems like most people have a strong opinion about how loud and wordy they do or don’t want their pillow talk to be. Some people don’t like dirty talk or noisy sex. For some it brings up shame or confusion around sex, so all, or just certain kinds of, sex talk prevents them from blissing out on their bodies; it keeps them in their heads and focused on whatever issues might come up. They can’t relax if they are thinking about the neighbors, the church they grew up in, or conversations in their head from past relationships or experiences.

People who have no shame about sex might dislike talking for other reasons. Some find it distracts them from their bodily sensations; they’re going for a body high and “getting lost in the moment,” but their partner’s voice pulls them out of that altered state. Others might love the right kind of talk but are so particular that if their partner says what to them is the wrong thing, it ruins the fantasy in their head, confuses them, or involves words that are a turn-off instead of a turn-on.

On the other hand, many people love sexy sounds and hot talk during sex. Moaning and breathing and saying “Oh yes!” are classic ways to let the good sensations flowing inside you shine through to the outside. Not only can these sexy sounds let your lover know they are pleasing you, but as our friends the Tantra practitioners might tell us, opening up your lungs can enhance your feelings as well, whether you do it via deep breathing or sound-making. When it comes to classic dirty talk, many charged words make us feel naughty or kick-ass by simply saying them. Exhibitionism for the Shy by our own Dr. Carol Queen has pages of examples.

Then there is Dirty Talk 201, which is specific to your (or your partner’s) particular fantasies or turn-ons. This involves going deeper into characters and scenarios, and it’s where you need to speak up if you don’t like something—otherwise you can suddenly feel like you’re in bed with a stranger! On the other hand, you need to have a thick skin and not feel criticized or defensive if your partner tells you they don’t like something you say. If you’re neutral about a fantasy’s language—as in, it doesn’t turn you on yet it doesn’t turn you off—but it super-turns on your lover, then consider going along with it. On the other hand, if something makes you stop, or you don’t like it, you need to say so. Their fantasy does not trump your good time.

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